Christmas Reveltion

What a week it has been. God has really softened me this week. ( Honestly I could cry at the drop of a hat)

He has shown me things to remind me of His unending love and grace. When I start to fret about needing this gift and that gift,and making sure my house is clean ( which it isn't) and wanting this to be a fun Christmas for the kids, He puts something, or some one, in my path to slow me down a bit and just enjoy all that I have. He even put an old, dear friend whom I haven't seen in years, in my path to just slow me down and enjoy the fact that this is a time of celebrating life. Life with friends and family.  Even last night, I first spent the evening at a beautiful Christmas Eve service with my dear friends at Abba's House. Then I went to my grandma's and enjoyed an evening with my family on my mom's side. I so needed this social time to slow me down, mentally and physically, to bring it all back into perspective. These people that are in my life are God's gifts to me. Not only did He give me salvation just by knowing and loving Jesus Christ, but he gave me a good man as a husband, good friends, and a beautiful family. And though we may quarrel at times, all are a gift.

On Christmas Eve, He reminded me of those who are gone and are with Him now celebrating in Heaven. My Hunter today, while waiting to make the cinnamon rolls, decided he wanted to see my wedding video. Just out of the blue. So I laid down on my mom and dad's bed and watched some of it with him. Almost immediately I seen those who have passed in the last 4 years. Paula, one of my mothers in law, Grandma McKay, & Grandma Wardwell .  Each of these women showed traits that I have missed until today. Traits that God instilled in them that made them wonderful women. Generosity, grace, love, wisdom, compassion, faithfulness, strength, determination, and most of all- a love for family. Every single one of these ladies loved their families so much that it just filled the room. Their laughter still echos in the minds of those who loved them in return.
As I seen these matriarchs of our families, I began to cry. Part missing them and missing seeing them smile, and part jealousy, because they are where I want to be, with my Creator. They are celebrating Jesus' life in a way we can not comprehend. What a wonderful way to celebrate Christmas.
Now at this same time, in watching this video, I seen several loved ones who have divorced in the last 11 years. (Now I now some divorce for reasons of abuse and what not, the marriage for some people is not safe. But this was not what God was showing me, so bear with me here) And it broke my heart. The families that are spending Christmas in two different places. Children that can not spend the day with both parents in the same room. Yes they have all moved on and have adapted, but  I have seen the hurt in my own husbands eyes each and every year, that he would love to see his WHOLE  family together at Christmas. To not have to travel from here to here, but to spend it together and enjoy the time. He loves all his siblings and all the extra family he now has, but it still pains him every year that his family is in pieces.
As I was thinking on this, God gently yet firmly whispered," And you almost gave up your own family this year. You entertained the thought of leaving it all behind because it got to hot to handle. You almost returned My gift to you. A gift that I gave you to teach you, to mold you, to help you grow. To see the beauty in the simple things. Those simple things is were I am." Many of you know it has been a struggle for both of us this year. And sacrifices had to be made to keep it all together. But like the song says, " He gives me beauty for ashes"  and we are over coming the struggles and learning more and more each and every day. It is almost like those first few years of marriage again where you are learning each others quirks. Some where, over the last 11 years, Jon and I changed. We grew up, we had kids, we worked - a lot,old wounds came to light and had to be dealt with, and then we had to fill those wounds in with something new. In all that change, we never stopped to pay attention to the growth and development, that as individuals, was going on. So the unit of our family, our wonderful family, was almost destroyed. We were not paying attention to each other. We were not seeing what God was doing in the other person. Now I am not saying that we are 100% , or even 80%, but we are getting there. There is still a lot of work to be done, as individuals and as a family.
So in conclusion to this Christmas Revelation, I just want to say, I love you. I thank you. You all have been dear to us. You have prayed with us, cried with me ( hehe) and been dear to us. Your support and wisdom and helped us to keep it together. Your gentle correction has helped us see the light of what was really happening. God used you all to help us. And you may not even know it.
So,  MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!  And remember what you have is a gift from your Creator and no toy can replace that gift.